Conflict Management

I. Youth to Youth Conflicts:

Eight to ten campers living for one week in a closed space no larger than many bedrooms almost invariably creates some conflicts. Whether it is over who gets in the shower first or who gets the bottom bunks, conflicts are a natural part of living together in a community. However, there are times when conflicts arise that can literally split the group apart. The question arises, "How do the cabin leaders prevent this from happening?" What preventative measures should be taken? First, let us look at some suggestions for preventative action.

1. Talk about mutual respect for others and other's property and model that throughout the week. Write a covenant during devotions the first night and post it somewhere visible. Refer back to it with the kids if a problem arises.
2. Look for signs of frustration or other feelings a camper might feel toward another camper.
3. Deal with any incidence that includes harassment, ridicule, unfair treatment, or favoritism of one camper to another immediately.
4. During activities look for "Hot Spots" where camper's feelings may be hurt.

Some conflicts will not be preventable and then have to be addressed. However, how the cabin leader addresses these conflicts will set the stage for how the campers themselves will approach their own problems the rest of the week. Therefore, in most instances the cabin leaders should:

1. Treat the campers as responsible individuals and give them the opportunity to solve the problem or conflict among themselves. (Except where serious conflicts involve any fighting etc.)
2. Involve only the campers who have the conflict. Don't bring unnecessary people into a problem that does not pertain to them.
3. Avoid openly embarrassing the camper(s) in front of others. Deal with the parties involved away from the main group unless it involves them.
4. Act as a facilitator to the parties involved rather than a judge. Try to get the campers to participate in their own problem solving processes.

It is sometimes more important to help the campers with the process of conflict management and problem solving rather than to try to solve or resolve the conflict. Some conflicts may not be able to be resolved, simply discussed.

II. Camper Cabin Leader Conflicts

Campers test the limits of cabin leaders in many ways. Often this is in the form of rebellion at the rules and regulations that the cabin leader sets down. However, how the cabin leader handles these situations will determine the way the camper responds to him/her the rest of the week. If the camper is punished immediately they may react with even more hostility and rebellion later. On the other hand, if they are treated with honesty, respect, and caring the chances are they will stand by the rules and correct their own actions in the future.

In order to manage the problem or conflict while still including the camper in process it is a good idea to follow some of these guidelines:

• A. Deal with the behavior of the person. Don't put the person down.
• B. Give the person the opportunity to tell their side of the story. How they think the conflict came up and how they responded to it. Listen to them!!! Most problems are problems in miscommunication.
• C. In your own words reflect to the person what you understood you heard. Utilize your active listening skills. "This is what I understood you to be saying." "Did I overlook something?"
• D. Include all the positive things that the person is doing.
• E. Deal with your reaction to the conflict. Use I Statements. "This is how I feel when (this behavior) occurs."
• F. Include the person in your thoughts as to why you consider this a problem. "These are my concerns."
• G. Look for areas in which compromise is possible. "It seems that we both (think, feel, believe) _______." "Can we find a way to do this?"
• H. Involve the person in your decision process.
• I. Include yourself in the solution. "I will try to do_________." "Could you consider doing _______?"

It is always a good idea in dealing with a camper problem to DRAG it. Reflect on What has happened. Analyze what makes it a problem. Why is the conflict present? Generalize how this or similar conflicts can be resolved better in the future, inside and outside camp.

As not every conflict can be resolved, some conflicts are such that they need to be taken to the Program Director to work out. Such conflicts or problems that would take an inordinate amount of time in order to deal with them would take away the cabin leader's time with the rest of the cabin. In addition, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SOLVE EVERY PROBLEM OR RESOLVE EVERY CONFLICT!! Use the other cabin leaders, staff, pastors, and directors as recourses and aids for managing conflicts.