Effective Communication Through
Active Listening

ACTIVE LISTENING IS:

• A skill that expresses empathy, acceptance, genuineness; and aids the other person to resolve his or her OWN problem.
• A special way of reflecting back what the speaker has expressed to let him or her know that the listener is indeed listening. This is in order to check the listener's understanding of the speaker's meaning.
• A restatement of the speaker's total communication of both the words and the feelings of the message.
• A way for the listener to put him or her self in the speaker's position. This is so that the listener may gain a sense of the speaker's thoughts and feelings to prepare a genuine and warm response of understanding and acceptance.
• Taking the listener's impression of what the speaker is experiencing not necessarily expressing, and feeds it back to the speaker for clarification.
• A means for the speaker to move from the presenting problem to deeper issues.
• A chance for the speaker to develop a solution, rather than the listener imposing one upon them.
• The best way for the speaker to hear out loud his or her own thoughts and ideas.

STEPS TO ACTIVE LISTENING:

1. The listener attentively observes and listens to the speaker's verbal and nonverbal messages.
2. The listener forms a careful, tentative impression of what the speaker is expressing.
3. The listener feeds back (verbally and nonverbally) this impression with empathy and warmth.
4. The speaker then begins the next communication cycle, usually by confirming or clarifying the listener's feedback.

BODY LANGUAGE:

• Maintain direct eye contact.
• Maintain comfortable posture.
• Speak clearly and audibly.
• Don't whine or have an apologetic tone to your voice.

AFFECTIVE USE OF WORDS AND PHRASES:

• Could it be that… You're feeling…
• What I guess I'm hearing is… I'm not sure if I'm with you but…
• Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sensing… You appear to be feeling …
• Perhaps you are feeling… It appears you feel…
• What you are saying comes across to me as … Right now you're feeling …
• You must have felt… I hear you saying…

RESPONDING WITH EMPATHY:

You feel ______ about or because ________.
(Accurately identifies feelings of client)

Example: Sounds as though you really are missing home. I gather you're uncomfortable with being away from home and would rather not participate.

RESPONDING AUTHENTICALLY ... USING "I" STATEMENTS:

1. "I" ( ) About Because
2. Specific
3. Neutral
4. Impact of feeling description situation upon or wants of event sender or others

Example: I get frustrated when you talk while I am explaining this activity because I feel ignored and unimportant to you.

BARRIERS TO EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION:

1. Moralizing or sermonizing
2. Sympathizing.
3. Stacking Questions
4. Interrupting, Dominating
5. Judging, Criticizing, Placing Blame.
6. Advising or giving suggestions prematurely.
7. Using Sarcasm or Distractive Humor
8. Lecturing, Instructing, Arguing.

NO-NOs OF ACTIVE LISTENING.

• Never say that you know how the person if feeling. You don't.
• Never use the word "Why". It has no answers.
• Never ask direct questions ... probing.
• Never force the person to talk ... it is a personal process.
• Never ask leading questions ... this is not YOUR problem.